Finality.

I can't take this anymore.

I can't do it.

In all my waking hours and in all my haunted dreams I have to contend with this immeasurable loss I carry inside; and it's crushing me. It's tearing everything from me. And I just want it to end.

Nothing changes anymore; nothing feels alive. I can't rid the morbid detachment I harbour from the rest of reality; the desolate tragedy of my bereaved, half-light existence.

I realised very quickly after I lost my best friend that I couldn't physically live without him. From the moment I witnessed his shame-filled demise, I've found it almost impossible to breathe. His absence is choking me, engulfing me in its hopeless, endless void.

I need him here. With me. Next to me. Close to me. I need his scent, his smirk, his coldness, his flaws; his beautiful imperfection. The world is dead to me without him. It is bleak, flavourless, ugly and crass. He was my one light; my defected salvation.

And he left me.

Left me to join the records of the earth; the timeless space after life, where no-one is searching anymore.

And so I decide. I will find him.

Will he remember me? Will he see my face and offer a smile of recognition? Or is it dark and cold where he is; devoid of feeling, and anything he would recollect? I care not. I will find him.

There is one last bullet in my gun. One last bullet that will send me to his side once again.

I close my eyes with my final thought of this world; and it is simply a name.

Which I will call forever until we're one again.